They want me to live and I'm Trying...

So whew quite a lot has been happening since the end of 2008 so I will try to wrap it up quickly.

I posted the Gnarls Barkley video because even though it is a gross fest it still speaks to where I am at this moment, that does not mean that tomorrow won't bring sunshine and rainbows it is just today. I also posted the quote from Malcolm Forbes because it speaks to where I have been for 36 years. You see I had a turbulent childhood and young adult years to put it mildly so as a result I taught myself to expect nothing of everyone because that way I would never be disappointed. This is a horrible coping mechanism to learn early in life, it robs you of so many opportunities. It is also is something you do not want to pass on to your true legacy, children.

Towards the end of last year I started to experience a lot of seizures and scary "is this the end" type of symptoms as a result of a AVM I have lodged in my brain where parkinson's develops. After being given the run around by various doctors I finally received an appt at a top notch medical facility located in Florida that very astutely stated you need to have brain surgery in 30 days. Well you see this brain surgery would subsequently delete my children from my hardware which since they are the only ones in this whole wide world I completely trust is really non-negotiable. Not to mention the fact of an over 2 year recovery time. So I took a look at my life and mused aloud "There is so much I haven't done".

Out of fear there is so much I have limited myself to being. But you know what I turned 37 on January 7th and I am no longer going to allow fear or some stupid AVM to control me. I have decided I do have expectations of people, there are things I deserve just for being beautiful me.

So as a result of this I have chosen to go part-time at my job, starting to workout with a trainer twice a week and have completely changed my diet. I also have decided I deserve a good love in this lifetime that doesn't involve someone who just so happened to have escaped from my womb.

With that being said I will also say that what renews and restores my faith is that every day brings a new opportunity if we just take advantage of it. Every day, moment, millisecond brings the opportunity to be more than you could have every imagined if you allow yourself to receive the possibilities.

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